Three Poor Leadership Traits

My dad taught me that it’s important to fire yourself at the end of the year, wait 10 seconds, soak up that horrible feeling, and then rehire yourself. Why in the world would my dad tell me to do this each year?   Give yourself a scare and new outlook. It’s better to pretend to fire yourself before it happens for real. Now strategize! What would you do differently if you were fired and rehired for the same job? You can’t grow to greater success if you don’t look at your failures and change them.   Yes, my dad could have been a Jedi Knight because he motivated himself and others through mind games. Most of those mind games made him and others extremely successful. I thought he was crazy when I was younger. Now I try to do everything he taught me.   It’s better to pretend to fire yourself before it happens for real.   When people get comfortable, they can become lazy, which can lead to poor results. Poor results can eventually lead to one being fired. Don’t wait for that awkward and regrettable moment. I’ve never met anyone that enjoys losing. Go ahead and make that awkward firing moment happen on your terms. Write yourself a termination letter and put reasons behind it. Punch yourself in the gut(words not literally) and make it hurt so you can learn.   What would you do differently if you were fired and rehired for the same job?   It’s so important to motivate yourself to think about new strategies to prevent becoming comfortable. You want to drive in better results every year, but you don’t change anything. How is that working for you? Nothing changes if nothing changes! If you had a record-breaking year…good for you…now get over it. No one cares what you did yesterday, last year, or five years ago. Business is about what you produce month-over-month and year-over-year. People don’t get fired because they are growing. People get fired when they get lazy or stop taking initiative to learn. How can you continue to push yourself to prove to everyone you are not playing it safe? What must you do to grow your success?   ACTION ITEM: Take 15 minutes and make a strategic list. Make sure you put these strategies into practice by putting each one on your calendar.   You can’t grow to greater success if you don’t look at your failures and change them.   No Time Management Your day is chaos. You feel no control in your day. You feel like nothing ever gets done that you want. Poor Communication You hold people to expectations that you did not share with them. People don’t live in your head. Use your words! No routine Schedule your work duties, and don’t get distracted. Give yourself time to think. Make sure to take PTO and recharge your batteries. Boring Meetings No one is excited to be there. No conflict. Watching the minutes for it to end. Talk Too Much – Poor Listening Don’t dominate the conversation. Make sure you shut your mouth and open your ears to hear what others have to say. Show respect to others by listening. Too Many Excuses For Missing Deadlines Nothing is worse than a boss demanding deadlines but the boss lives by double standards. Get your work finished on time. Set the bar with your actions. No Humility Say the words “I’m sorry!” and “It’s my fault!” No one wants to follow a leader who is arrogant and full of pride. Lack of Passion Zap your heart and get excited about your work. No one wants to follow someone who is lukewarm or passive. No Accountability You need someone who will speak TRUTH into you. Make sure to ask others how you are doing and listen to their advice. Broken Trust With Failed Promises Let your YES be YES and your NO be NO. Follow through on your commitments, and show up in mind, body and spirit when you arrive. Need more?  Book us to speak at your next event, and we’ll light it up! Check out our YouTube and LinkedIn pages for more encouraging content.   If you’re looking to take your growth as a leader to the next level, we’ve got you covered. Join the Impact of Leadership Community today!

  There are seasons in life when it feels like you’re standing in the middle of a rope—hands clenched, feet dug in, muscles tense—being pulled in two opposite directions. On one end: control, pride, fear, anger, self‑reliance. On the other: surrender, trust, humility, grace, faith. And every day, whether we admit it or not, we step into the game. We tell ourselves that holding tighter will keep things from falling apart. But in relationships—at home and at work—gripping the rope often shifts the goal from saving the relationship to winning the moment. That’s how love turns into leverage and partnership turns into pressure.   The Weight of Control   Control feels powerful at first. It whispers: “I’ve got this.” “No one else will do it right.” “If I let go, everything will fall apart.” But control is exhausting. It turns conversations into competitions and collaboration into compliance. Over time, the very people you want to protect end up on the opposite end of the rope, bracing against you. Marriages become standoffs. Kids retreat. Teams disengage. You start to “win” arguments while losing connection, trust, and peace. The hard truth is this: winning while losing your peace, your family, and your integrity isn’t winning at all.   The Lie We Believe   Many of us—especially leaders—are taught that winning is everything: win the argument, win the deal, win the outcome. So we pull harder. We justify harsh words because “the truth needed to be said.” We excuse anger because “stress made me do it.” We defend behavior because “they deserved it.” But most conflicts aren’t about truth; they’re about ego. Pride masquerades as conviction. Scripture cuts through the fog: “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble” (James 4:6). If God stands against pride, there’s no version of “winning” through pride that doesn’t end in loss.   The Moment the Rope Reveals You   Every tug‑of‑war has a breaking point. Sometimes it looks like silence at the dinner table, a child pulling away, a marriage hanging by a thread, or a mirror that reflects someone you swore you’d never become. That’s the moment the rope stops being external and becomes internal. You see the real fight isn’t against your spouse, your child, or your team—it’s the war inside you. Control promises safety; pride promises strength. But both leave you isolated and tired. Surrender, by contrast, sounds like weakness—and turns out to be the beginning of real strength.   What Surrender Actually Is (and Isn’t)   Surrender does not mean giving up, becoming passive, or silencing your voice. Surrender is choosing to drop the rope—releasing the demand to be right, to control outcomes, to carry everything alone. It sounds like: “I don’t have to be right to be at peace.” “I don’t have to control outcomes to be secure.” “I don’t have to carry this alone.” Biblically, surrender looks like humility: “In humility value others above yourselves” (Philippians 2:3) and “Humble yourselves… under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time” (1 Peter 5:6–7). The paradox is stunning: when you stop pulling, tension leaves the room and trust reenters.   What Happens When You Humble Yourself   When you choose humility over pride, several things change—often quickly: Defensiveness drops; curiosity rises. You start asking questions instead of delivering verdicts (Proverbs 18:13). Tone softens; hearts open. “A gentle answer turns away wrath” (Proverbs 15:1). Empathy grows. You see the person across from you as a whole person, not a problem to solve (Colossians 3:12–14). God’s grace meets you. “He gives grace to the humble” (James 4:6). Grace is not just pardon; it’s power to change. Peace returns. Not because circumstances are perfect, but because you’re no longer trying to be God in your own life (Matthew 11:28–29).   Your situation may still be complicated, but your heart is no longer at war.   Leadership in the Middle of the Rope   You cannot lead well when you’re constantly pulling. Leadership fueled by control creates fear. Leadership fueled by surrender creates trust. The best leaders aren’t the ones who pull the hardest; they’re the ones humble enough to say, “I need help. I was wrong. Let’s do this together.” You can only give what you have—and when your hands are clenched around the rope, you have nothing left to give but tension. Healthy teams and families are built on secure leaders, not controlling ones.   When to Fight for Your Beliefs—and When to Compromise   Choosing not to play tug of war doesn’t mean you abandon convictions. Some hills are worth defending:   Fight (with love and integrity) when: Conscience is at stake. When a decision violates your faith or moral clarity (Acts 5:29; Ephesians 6:13). Someone’s dignity or safety is threatened. When silence would enable harm (Proverbs 31:8–9). Integrity and truth are on the line. When deception or injustice requires a clear stand (Micah 6:8). Even then, fight like a follower of Christ—with gentleness, self‑control, and a willingness to suffer without sin (1 Peter 3:15–16; Galatians 5:22–23).   Compromise (or collaborate) when: It’s about preferences, not principles (style, timing, methods). Multiple good options exist and unity matters more than “my way” (Romans 14:19). You need new information or the other person needs to feel heard before progress can be made (James 1:19). A helpful test: If the disagreement is about pride, control, or image—compromise. If it’s about conscience, justice, or truth—stand, but stand like Jesus.   The Question That Changes Everything   So here’s the real question—not just for leaders, but for all of us: What rope are you still holding onto? Is it the need to win? The need to be right? The need to control outcomes, people, or perceptions? A pattern passed down through generations that you promised would stop with you? You don’t end the tug of war by pulling harder. You end it by letting go.   Action Items: How to Drop the Rope This Week   Practice a 90‑Second Pause. Before you respond, breathe and pray: “Lord, show me if I’m protecting my pride or this relationship.” If it’s pride, table the debate and ask one clarifying question instead (James 1:19). Listen to Understand, Not to Win. Use this prompt: “What I’m hearing you say is ___. Did I get that right?” Reflect back feelings as well as facts (Proverbs 20:5). Swap Weapons for Words of Peace. Replace “always/never/you should” with “I feel/When X happens/I need.” Keep your volume low and your face soft (Proverbs 15:1). Choose a Small Surrender Daily. Pick one control behavior to lay down (interrupting, over‑explaining, micromanaging). Tell your spouse or teammate which one you’re practicing today and invite accountability (James 5:16). Schedule Repair, Not Just Resolution. If you’ve pulled hard recently, own it without excuses: “I was wrong. I elevated winning over our relationship. Will you forgive me?” Then ask, “What would help rebuild trust?” (Matthew 5:23–24). Create a Shared Win. For recurring conflicts, define a win you both want: “What outcome honors both of us and the relationship?” Brainstorm three paths; pick one to try for a week and debrief together (Romans 12:18). Stay Rooted Spiritually. Start the day on your knees with hands open: “God, I surrender my pride and plans. Lead me.” Read a short passage (Philippians 2:1–11; Colossians 3:12–15) and carry one verse into your day. Reinforce with Community. Invite a trusted friend or mentor to ask you weekly: “Did you drop the rope?” Share one win and one do‑over. Growth accelerates with honest community (Hebrews 10:24–25).   Takeaway: Peace Over Pride   Peace doesn’t come from overpowering life. Joy doesn’t come from control. Peace comes from trust—trust in God, and trust cultivated through humility with people. “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” (Romans 12:18). The world will tell you to pull harder. Scripture invites you to drop the rope. On the other side of release is a different kind of strength—one that restores relationships, renews purpose, and finally allows you to breathe again.   You don’t save a relationship by proving you’re right. You save it by choosing love over pride, truth with gentleness over winning with force, and surrender over control. When you humble yourself, grace flows, trust returns, and God lifts you in due time (1 Peter 5:6–7). There’s a better way to lead, to parent, to love: not by winning the war—but by ending it.